stoopbeck

[while watching Scare Tactics]

Danny: OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE HIM SCREAM?

Alex: DUDE WHY ARE WE EVEN WATCHING THIS-- OH MY GOD, THESE PEOPLE ARE STUPID!

Danny: I wouldn't just sit there and scream, I'd like, you know, hit someone.

Alex: Dude, I'd worry about these guys stroking out or having a heart attack or something.

Danny: "Are you SCARED? Are you--- hey, are you breathing? OH NO!! THEY DIED!!"

Alex: Oh my god, so, I just thought of the perfect Scare Tactics. So say I want to set you up for it, so I sign you up to be scared, but-- but then the situation they put you in, they say, "Danny, we're going to set up your sister to be scared and you're going to help us," and then you guys do something hella scary, and then I'm all, "OMG HEART ATTACK TIEM NAO" And then you're like, "OH MY GOD I KILLED MY SISTER" and then-- and then I'm all "OMG FOOLED YOU" and we all laugh!

Danny: ...That's evil. No, wait! Even better! So we prank them! They think they're helping you prank me, right, and then you fake a heart attack, and then I'm like, "OH MY GOD I KILLED MY SISTER" and then-- and then I pull out a blood spurting knife and "stab" myself with it, and then you wake up and run to them, all "OH MY GOD YOU KILLED MY BROTHER" and they freak out and you're all, "ARE YOU SCARED? ARE YOU SCARED NOW?!" And they pee their pants!

Danny and Alex: EXCELLENT.

Mom: You two are freaks.

Mom: Let's get this front garden weeded before it gets too hot! Dad said he saw some of those white bees over near this camellia, so be careful!

Alex: Okay! --OMG BEE RUN!

Mom: OMG AIIEE! Wait, that wasn't a bee. Never mind! Maybe we can finish weeding before another comes by!

Alex: Okay! --OMG ANOTHER BEE RUN!

Mom: OH NOES!! --Wait, that also wasn't a bee, never mind. Only a little bit of weeding, and then we can go inside-- WAS THAT A BEE?!

Alex: I DON'T KNOW IT'S REALLY LOUD!

Mom: OMG--Wait, I think it was just your father starting up the weedeater.

Alex: Oh thank god! Now we can finish weeding and go inside!

[LATER]

Mom: ...So I said, "It's just Dad with the weedeater," and we laughed, and finished weeding and went inside! Hee!

Dad: I WASN'T USING THE WEEDEATER!!

Everybody: OH NOES!!!

[Because life is more fun when you're constantly suffering from a lack of oxygen.]

Mom: Alex, you're looking asthmatic.

Alex: You may have a point. Let me go find my inhaler.

[Five minutes later]

Mom: Find it okay?

Alex: Find what?

Mom: Your inhaler.

Alex: Um. Let me go find it.

[Five minutes later]

Mom: ...Inhaler?

Alex: ...Dammit.

Alex: Dude, that bus driver looks like an older Chuck Norris!

Alex's Mom: Heyyy, Chuckie-baby!

Alex: Dude, I'd love to see you call him that to his face.

Alex's Mom:If I ever had the chance to meet Chuck Norris face-to-face, I'd call him Chuckie-baby.