(no subject)

[stoopbeck]

First, a story.

A rich man asked a Zen master to write something down that could encourage the prosperity of his family for years to come. It would be something that the family could cherish for generations. On a large piece of paper, the master wrote, "Father dies, son dies, grandson dies."

The rich man became angry when he saw the master's work. "I asked you to write something down that could bring happiness and prosperity to my family. Why do you give me something depressing like this?"

"If your son should die before you," the master answered, "this would bring unbearable grief to your family. If your grandson should die before your son, this also would bring great sorrow. If your family, generation after generation, disappears in the order I have described, it will be the natural course of life. This is true happiness and prosperity."



My grandfather is dying.


I went to go see him today. He told me he’d buy me a Fig Newton factory, because we both love Fig Newtons.

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll walk Grandma and Grandpa’s dog a lot, and go see them a lot, and we’ll take it from there.

Comments

[otakuoverlorde.livejournal.com]

I told zem we already had one! FETCHEZ LA VACHE!

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

Yes, you were! You were in terrible peril!

[archaimikokami.livejournal.com]

I bet you're gay!

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

She turned me into a newt!

...

...I got better.

[archaimikokami.livejournal.com]

How did you know that?

Well one has to know these things if they are a king.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

One day, lad, all this will be yours.

What, the curtains?

[archaimikokami.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, you won't have died in vain.

...I'm not quite dead yet.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

They were forced to eat Sir Robyn's minstrels, and there was much rejoicing.

[Yayyy.]

[archaimikokami.livejournal.com]

And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

Stop. What... is your name?

Sir Galahad of Camelot.

What... is your quest?

I seek the Grail.

What... is your favourite colour?

Blue. No, yel... AAAAAUGH!!

[archaimikokami.livejournal.com]

Stop. What...is your name?

Arthur, King of the Britons.

What...is your quest?

I seek the Holy Grail.

What...is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

Huh? I...I don't know that...AAAAAAUUGGGHHH!!!!

[otakuoverlorde.livejournal.com]

Get on with it!

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.

[otakuoverlorde.livejournal.com]

It's only a model.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

I am your king!

...Well, I didn't vote for you.

[otakuoverlorde.livejournal.com]

He must be king.

How do you figure?

He hasn't got shit all over him.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

What also floats on water?

Wood!

Churches!

Very small rocks!

[otakuoverlorde.livejournal.com]

I got better.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

And as the Black Beast lurched forward, escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless, when suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart attack!

[ACK!]

[otakuoverlorde.livejournal.com]

There are some who call me................Tim.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

Right. Oh, if, if, if, uh, if, if, uh, if, if, if, we... oh, if... oh...

Look, it's quite simple. You just stay here, and make sure he doesn't leave the room. All right?

[otakuoverlorde.livejournal.com]

She's got huge... >.> ...tracts of land...

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

Did you kill all those guards?

Um... oh, yes! Sorry.

They cost fifty pounds each!

Well, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady.

Well, I can understand that.

[otakuoverlorde.livejournal.com]

I just...want to SING!

NO, NO, we won't have any of that, now.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

I built this castle out of nothing. When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England.