Twatlight post

[stoopbeck]

Dude. I just spent almost an hour straight explaining to my family in excruciating detail just how much Twilight sucks.

An hour. Oh my god.

And I still didn't cover all my Twilight issues.

Although the face Dad made when I told him what Stephenie Meyer's vampires did in sunlight was totally priceless.

Comments

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

SPARKLE. VAMPIRES FUCKING SPARKLE IN SUNLIGHT. WTF. LIKE, THEY SPARKLE LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN ROLLED IN GLITTER. GLITTER!!

So I totally made an LJ entry on the EXTREME FAIL of Twilight but I can't find it. BASICALLY:

-SPARKLING VAMPIRES

-SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE BELLA, who we're supposed to love, who is an idiot. EDWARD KISSES HER AND HER HEART STOPS. LITERALLY. LIKE SHE IS SO OVERCOME BY HIS BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFULLNESS THAT HER HEART STOPS BEATING. And she's all OMG MY LIFE IS HORRIBLE PLEASE KILL ME AND TURN ME INTO A VAMPIRE and Edward's all OMG YOU'LL BE ETERNALLY DAMNED IF YOU'RE A VAMPIRE and Bella's all SERIOUSLY THOUGH SIGN ME UP

-EDWARD THE STALKER VAMPIRE, who sat in Bella's window and watched her sleep for the month that he was treating her like she had leprosy, which he was totally doing because she smelled delicious and he didn't want to eat her. Except he still watched her sleep for a month while she thought he hated her. And then! He tells her how horrible he is for her, and how he could totally kill her if he wanted to, and how stupid she is, and this makes Bella fall madly for him.

-EDWARD IS 100+ AND HE'S STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL WTF

-STEPHENIE MEYER'S INABILITY TO WRITE. Seriously though, if I had to hear Edward described as being A) like a marble statue or B) an Adonis one more time, I was going to burn the book. It bears a strong resemblance to horrific fanfic.

I could go on for pages in great detail, but I am OMGTIRED. Maybe I'll add some more tomorrow?

[seize.livejournal.com]

LOL WOW. Uh, that sounds even worse that I've heard it made out to be, actually. Jesus.

HIGH SCHOOL KIDS UGH.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

Okay, so, take the amount of bad that you thought Twilight was. NOW MULTIPLY IT BY INFINITY.

HIGH SCHOOL KIDS. AND AT THE END, EDWARD TELLS BELLA THAT HE'S GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL PLANNED FOR THEM ON THE NIGHT OF THE PROM, AND SHE THINKS HE'S GOING TO TURN HER INTO A VAMPIRE, BUT HIS SUPER SEKRIT AWESOME PLAN OF LOVE IS TO TAKE HER TO PROM. *VOMIT* AND BELLA'S ALL, "OMGWTFBBQ YOU'RE TAKING ME TO PROM ON THE NIGHT OF PROM WHAT THE FUCK" AND YEAH.