OMG EARWIG

So, I'm sitting at my computer, reading archived Dinosaur Comics, when I feel something tickling my face.

IT WAS AN EARWIG.

ON MY CHEEK. OH MY GOD. I think I need to go lie down. What was it doing there?! How did it get there?! MY CHEEK IS LIKE TWO INCHES FROM MY EAR. (I've heard the whole earwig-can-only-go-one-direction-and-thus-will-burrow-into-your-brain thing is a myth, but I'M NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES)

TIME FOR SOME THRILLING HYSTERICS.