Arrrr.

Good for you! Unlike all those people who actually fall for Jack Sparrow's antics, you realized something was awry when he wouldn't share the location of his legendary treasure, and convinced the crew to follow you in mutiny. Of course, you got cursed to the life of the walking dead as soon as you picked up the treasure, but even that has its perks-- like pet zombie monkeys, command of the faster ship on the Main, and getting to freak out Governor's daughters pretending to be the hired help. Now, if only you could actually get a bite of that damn apple.

Which Pirates of The Caribbean Character Are You?
Find out at Shiver My Timber-- A Pirate RPG

Ha.

I went for a walk today with Erica and Mary Katherine.

We came back with autographs from John Schneider, best known for his days as "Bo Duke" of Dukes of Hazzard and, more recently, Clark Kent's dad on Smallville.

He decided to hold the premier of his movie Collier & Co. at the Capri, our local cool independant-film-showing movie theater, as part of their Jewish Film Festival. And there he was, signing autographs and taking pictures in front of his car that looked exactly like the General Lee without the numbers.

At one point he did the thing where he leaps in through the driver's side window. Then he got out and looked sheepish.

John Schneider: I, uh, tore my pants.

Thousands of fangirls and boys: SQUEEEE!

The Rip: *is about the size of a dime, barely visible*

Fanpeoples: Awww, darn.

Erica, Alex, and Mary Katherine: *giggle like twelve-year-olds*

Erica gave him her cell phone so he could talk to her mom.

John Schneider: Hello. This is John Schneider. I'm here with your absolutely adorable daugher, and she just gave me the-- no, don't kill her! She's wonderful! Don't kill her!


Fabulous. I feel all good and Southerny right now.