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stoopbeckToday the time slot usually filled by Alex's Job was filled by Alex's Job as a Low Budget Horror Film. Or something.
Alex: *clips ivy while balancing precariously on a rickety ladder*
[Suddenly, a scream from the pond]
Alex: Stupid frickin’ boys. HATE. *keeps clipping*
Drew: “JOSH! JOSH! OMG, TURN OFF THE WEEDEATER!”
Alex: *is intrigued*
Josh: *is oblivious* *keeps weedeating*
Drew: “JOSH GET OVER HERE IT’S HUGE AND I DON’T WANT IT TO GET AWAY TURN OFF THE WEEDEATER AND GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW OH GOD IT’S COMING AFTER ME AGAIN!”
Weedeater: *stops*
[Silence.]
Alex: *leans dangerously far out on ladder to try to see pond*
Ladder: *topples*
Alex: *flails, then sees Drew running up hill from pond*
Drew: *panting* Where’s your mom?!!!
Alex: Uh, she went to get diesel for William.
Drew: GAAAH. Well, c’mon and see it before it gets away. We gotta move fast, though. It wants to get in the water!
We: *run down to pond, where Josh is busy using the weedeater to fend off a GINORMOUS AND VERY PEEVED SNAPPING TURTLE*
Josh and Drew: *poke and irritate turtle, eventually ending up with Josh holding it down with his foot from the back while Drew goes to pick it up from the front*
Turtle: *hisses ominously*
Drew: *leans over turtle*
Turtle’s neck: *shoots out at least a foot with lightning speed*
Turtle’s freakishly large mouth: *snaps OMGSOCLOSE to Drew’s nose*
Drew: *loses it completely*
Josh and Alex: *nearly die laughing, then flail and run as turtle rushes both in turn*
[Later, after turtle is contained inside metal trash can, and brought up carefully to the office parking lot]
Alex’s Mom: Ooooh! He’s big. *reaches in to poke*
Turtle: *leaps in the air I swear to God*
We: *freak*
A Crowd: *gathers*
[Just then--]
Drew: What’s THAT?! *points down the road*
A Tree: *drives down the road*
We: *boggle*
Psycho Painter Man’s Truck: *comes into view, with an ornamental cherry tree very much attached to its front*
[Turns out the Psycho Painter Man hit one of Mom’s cherry trees on the way to the office. It lodged onto his ladder rack and got ripped out of the ground and carried along. ‘Twas hilarious. Mom wasn’t as amused as we were, oddly enough.]
Alex: *clips ivy while balancing precariously on a rickety ladder*
[Suddenly, a scream from the pond]
Alex: Stupid frickin’ boys. HATE. *keeps clipping*
Drew: “JOSH! JOSH! OMG, TURN OFF THE WEEDEATER!”
Alex: *is intrigued*
Josh: *is oblivious* *keeps weedeating*
Drew: “JOSH GET OVER HERE IT’S HUGE AND I DON’T WANT IT TO GET AWAY TURN OFF THE WEEDEATER AND GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW OH GOD IT’S COMING AFTER ME AGAIN!”
Weedeater: *stops*
[Silence.]
Alex: *leans dangerously far out on ladder to try to see pond*
Ladder: *topples*
Alex: *flails, then sees Drew running up hill from pond*
Drew: *panting* Where’s your mom?!!!
Alex: Uh, she went to get diesel for William.
Drew: GAAAH. Well, c’mon and see it before it gets away. We gotta move fast, though. It wants to get in the water!
We: *run down to pond, where Josh is busy using the weedeater to fend off a GINORMOUS AND VERY PEEVED SNAPPING TURTLE*
Josh and Drew: *poke and irritate turtle, eventually ending up with Josh holding it down with his foot from the back while Drew goes to pick it up from the front*
Turtle: *hisses ominously*
Drew: *leans over turtle*
Turtle’s neck: *shoots out at least a foot with lightning speed*
Turtle’s freakishly large mouth: *snaps OMGSOCLOSE to Drew’s nose*
Drew: *loses it completely*
Josh and Alex: *nearly die laughing, then flail and run as turtle rushes both in turn*
[Later, after turtle is contained inside metal trash can, and brought up carefully to the office parking lot]
Alex’s Mom: Ooooh! He’s big. *reaches in to poke*
Turtle: *leaps in the air I swear to God*
We: *freak*
A Crowd: *gathers*
[Just then--]
Drew: What’s THAT?! *points down the road*
A Tree: *drives down the road*
We: *boggle*
Psycho Painter Man’s Truck: *comes into view, with an ornamental cherry tree very much attached to its front*
[Turns out the Psycho Painter Man hit one of Mom’s cherry trees on the way to the office. It lodged onto his ladder rack and got ripped out of the ground and carried along. ‘Twas hilarious. Mom wasn’t as amused as we were, oddly enough.]
