National Geographic, I KEEL you. KEEL you DEED!

[stoopbeck]

GAH.

So I'm in my room, watching DVDs, when Danny comes running in to tell me that there's something on the National Geographic channel I've got to see. It's one of those shows with a bunch of gross-you-out stuff and near-death-experiences-caught-on-tape kinda things.

It's kinda interesting [what's cooler than seeing a guy wipe out in an avalanche?!] and so we all started watching.

Then they got to the eating-of-various-living-creatures segment.

GAG. So, apparently there's this cheese? That... has maggots in it? And... the maggots eat the cheese? And then... excrete... the cheese? And... people eat the maggot-riddled cheese and say it's a delicacy?

Excuse me while I vomit.

Also-- on no condition EVER will I go to a place inhabited by vampire bats. Because, ew. EWWWW.

Note to self: Never leave house. Never eat cheese. Sleep in hermetically sealed bubble where no bats can come in and drink my blood.

Comments

[otakuoverlorde.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you already know this, but as a consolation--vampire bats don't feed off of anything but livestock. So unless you're a sheep and not telling anyone, you should be OK.

As for the cheese...if it moves by itself, stay away. If not...you should be good.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

Normally I'd be able to tell myself that and be okay. Except... on this particular bit of video, there was a sleeping man and three or four vampire bats, and they used infrared to show heat signatures, and they ate on the guy as he slept [or pretended to sleep-- this is National Geographic, after all] and ew.

The cheese thing was ill-timed.

Mom had string cheese in her purse this morning and she gave me some, and once I'd eaten it she couldn't remember how long it had been in her purse. Thanks, Mom!

The worst thing about the cheese is that from the outside it looks normal. Gah. I guess I'll just close my eyes when I eat anything for a while.

[otakuoverlorde.livejournal.com]

Wow. It's things like that that make FearFactor look tame.

Stick to junk food. Nothing but preservatives. I hear Twinkies never go bad...

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, Twinkies.

I think I'll live on Twinkies henceforth. I'll live in my hermetically sealed bubble and eat Twinkies.

[thelasttoknow03.livejournal.com]

And get really really fat.

But ewwwww on the cheese and the maggots and the vampire bats and the cheese...

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

Heck yeah! But since I'll be living in a bubble anyway, I guess my weight won't really matter.

And the cheese...

[thelasttoknow03.livejournal.com]

What if you get so fat that you get stuck in your bubble? Or what if you get too fat for the bubble? That might suck a little.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

...Ew. Ewwwww.

Yeah, that might suck a bit. But hey! No vampire bats! That's... got to be an even trade, yes?

[thelasttoknow03.livejournal.com]

Definitely.

[espritdeterre.livejournal.com]

Man, I really miss my National Geographic. *hugs and clings to it*

I ate cheese today, and it was delicious. Mmmm....cheese. You still haven't managed to deter me.

Gerald Durrell actually tried to get bitten by a vampire bat in one of his books. But they bit the horses instead. Maybe they prefer livestock but will feed on people when left no alternative. I dunno, the whole thing is a little too Brahm Stoker for me.

[stoopbeck.livejournal.com]

Some of their shows are good... Some of them have needless animal violence [Look at that mother lion who's been bitten by a snake! She'll die, and so will all her babies if we don't help her with this handy-dandy antidote we just happen to have. But wait, we can't influence their environment! Oh well for you, Mama Lion! Sucks for you and your babehs!]

Gerald Durrell rocks. I love that man.

You should have seen the video. :P